


Finding the way back

by elletromil



Series: Meant to be [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Eggsy is Gavin, Ficlet, Fix-It, Gen, Happy Ending, Harry is Henry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 02:05:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4901389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For as far as he can remember, Henry has always lived with that sense of restlessness, as if he is needed <i>somewhere</i>.</p><p>No matter the situation, Gavin has always felt completely helpless, as if he was but a mere spectator of his own life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding the way back

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Maries1993](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maries1993/gifts).



> So yesterday the amazing [hartwin-danny](http://hartwinnnnnnnnnnnn.tumblr.com) posted an [amazing Hartwin gifset](http://hartwinnnnnnnnnnnn.tumblr.com/post/130050355972/bottom-is-giffed-from-here-for-their-imperiall) that made me crave a reincarnation au, so I wrote a thing.
> 
> This is the only story of mine where Harry Hart dies from getting shot by Valentine. The only reason I consider it "okay" is because due to the reincarnation nature of the fic, they still end up together, so it's another kind of Fix-It.
> 
> This has not been beta'd, I am sorry for any mistakes still in there.
> 
> Also hartwin-danny, this is for you, ILU YOU'RE SWEET AND ADORABLE AND I'M KEEPING YOU FOREVER

For as far as he can remember, Henry has always lived with that sense of restlessness, as if he is needed _somewhere_. He has looked for that elusive place calling out to him for years before giving up the search, begrudgingly accepting as he accumulated the years that he would never find it. Accepting that maybe, all those shrinks he’d seen might have been right.

Accepting the fact that, no matter where he goes, that guilt he’s been drowning in since forever won’t ever leave him.

*

Sometimes Henry dreams.

He dreams of crazed pursuits and escapes, of living life with no cares as if it was all a game; dreams of countries he’s never visited, people he knows but has never met.

He dreams of reality crashing down on him. Of not being fast enough, of a sacrifice that will haunt him down. The tears of a widow condemning him to a life of penance and loneliness.

He dreams of a bright grin, cheeky winks and beautiful eyes. Of laughter and redemption.

Then the dreams turn to nightmares.

Nightmares filled with disappointment, hurt, violence and death.

Nightmares that end in a bang and a desperate cry.

Sometimes Henry dreams.

But when morning come, he doesn’t remember anything of them.

*

_As Harry faces Valentine, it is with the certitude that this is it, that he cannot escape death any longer._

_Months ago, his only regrets would have been about overlooking an important detail, about being too slow._

_Today, his regrets are for uselessly making Eggsy wait for his return and the angry words he will never get to apologize for._

_As Valentine raises his gun, Harry regrets that he only now realises his love for Eggsy._

***

No matter the situation, Gavin has always felt completely helpless, as if he was but a mere spectator of his own life.

It does not help his feeling of pure inadequacy in everything he endeavours to do. Not that he doesn’t puts in efforts, but every praises, however sincere they are, leave him with the unshakable impression he is nothing but a fraud.

Yet, something stops him from entirely giving up finding the one person he’ll believe when they say he did good.

*

Most nights, Gavin dreams.

He dreams of a life of excitement and travels around the world; a life of wonders and happiness, sorrows and pain. A life well-lived.

He dreams of a tougher life, of being given an opportunity. Dreams of coming into his own and becoming a man to be proud of.

He dreams of a gentle smile, warm eyes and comforting hands. Of affection and belonging.

But the dreams are only the beginning of his nightmares.

Nightmares filled with a confrontation, regrets, missed opportunities and an unbearable loss.

Nightmares that starts with a retreating back and ends with a bloodied view of the sky.

Most nights, Gavin dreams.

But when he wakes up with tears in his eyes, he never knows why.

*

_Eggsy thinks the sight of the front door closing on Harry as he leaves the house, disappointment still heavy in the air, will haunt him forever._

_Then he watches what could only be qualified as a massacre happen in front of his eyes and he knows he won’t ever be able to forget the orgy of violence._

_But none of this is what will keep him awake at night for the years to come._

_None of this comes close to the sight of a gun pointed right at Harry, pointed at the man he loves so deeply, but who now will never get to know the depth of his feelings._

***

Henry’s feet has led him here, through the paths of this park he’s walk in multiple times before.

Without knowing why, he feels like today will be different, that something will come out of his tireless wandering. He nearly scoffs at the idea, but he is stopped when a gentle voice rises through the air in a soft humming.

It is nothing that would stop the crowds, but Henry is mesmerized and lets himself be guided by the sweet singing until he is standing behind a bench where a young man is seated, seemingly lost in his own world.

“You sing very well,” he says before he can think better of it, the young man turning towards him with some surprise, but still removing one of his earbuds as if welcoming the intrusion.

“Sorry, were you talking to me?”

“I was just saying that you sing very well,” he repeats, not quite prepared for the flash of shock on the young man’s face at being complimented.

But it is gone as soon as it appeared, the young man smiling, his eyes lighting up beautifully in pleasure and the guilt he’s been carrying around lightens a bit, like snow melting under the sun.

For the first time in his life, Henry thinks that maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t a place he needed to find. He thinks that, perhaps for all these years, he had been trying to go back to _someone_.

*

Gavin has started going regularly to the park, just sitting alone on a bench, so that he can escape the disappointment he instills in others if only for a while.

He’s humming to himself absentmindedly, enjoying his peace, when he hears a voice behind him. He’s a bit surprised, this area of the park is usually deserted and he has half a mind to ignore whoever is intruding his solitude, but something makes him turn, removing one of his earbud.

“Sorry, were you talking to me?” He asks the man standing at some distance behind the bench.

“I was just saying that you sing very well.”

Gavin wants to protest like he always does, however the look of wonder on the stranger’s face makes the words die in his throat.

For what must be the first time in his life, he smiles, genuinely grateful and pleased at the compliment.

He motions the empty space on the bench he’s sitting on to the man in a wordless invitation.

As the man sits down at his sides, the gentle smile he’s offered suffusing him with warmth, he thinks that maybe, just maybe he’s finally found them.

That perhaps that man is the one he can believe, the one he will always _trust_.

***

“I’m Gavin.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Gavin. My name is Henry.”


End file.
